Pleasurable Pain
by blackbloodedangel
Summary: It hurt but at the same time it was my extasy, but this extacy of mine was something that I could no longer hold onto, no longer call my own. SasuNaru


It hurt. Oh god, did it hurt. But it feels so good at the same time. This blade running across my skin like water rolling off a leaf. This pleasurable pain. This pain that is my pleasure. I hurt myself this way to make it seem as though I have nothing but petty indifference. So that people wont see that the words that you spoke to me are tearing me apart. Ripping holes within my soul and heart. Your words repeat in my mind so clear.

"_Monster"_

"_Freak"_

"_It's funny that you have to have a demons help in order to beat me."_

"_I could never love someone like you, I would rather die."_

These words, these sentences. They hurt so badly that I have no where else to run within my mindscape for they follow me even when I go to see the demon that resides within me. Oh god, does it hurt to see your sneering face. The one that I love so much has nothing but hatred and contempt for me. There is nothing left to be done is there, but to hold onto the simple hope that every night when he comes to see me to release his frustration that he will stay by my side until the break of dawn.

These scars that I have upon my wrists and all over my body are nothing but that to him. Scars. He thinks nothing of them when he undresses me ruthlessly so that he can pound into my body and leave me there wanting more and breaking, dying every time he turns to leave. I wish just once that he would turn around to see my face as he walks out that door once again. For he will see something truly horrifying. My eyes once a radiant blue have now turned into nothing. They have no specific color they are just there. The hope and love that once shined through my eyes and body is still there, but the hope has dimmed to that of a thread that you could break with one hand, or even one finger. The love I have is still the same, it is still there and sometimes I wish that I never loved you, that I never met you so that I could save myself from all this pain.

I look now at my bloody wrists and I think to myself that as long as I live I will always feel this pain until you return the love that I wish for you to give me. But I know this to not be true you will never give me your love will you? You went off and had a kid with Sakura for crying out loud! So how could I ever expect you to love me? You already have someone special in your life I see that now. Sakura and Kazumi are your family now and I am just a worthless life long past that you refuse to give up. But that is about to end. I can no longer take the pain that you have inflicted upon me mind, body, and soul. I can no longer take the anger I feel towards Sakura and Kazumi for taking you away from me. I can no longer take living the life I have right in front of me.

I cut my wrists so deep that I have cut the tendons and can no longer use my hands. This I know is the end for me. I cant use jutsu's to save myself, I will not call out for help, and no one will know I am dead until the coming of the dawn.

_I, Uzumaki Naruto, am in love with none other than Uchiha Sasuke, the one and only love and tormenter of my life._ I think to myself as the world turns to darkness, but there is one thing that I am glad to see before I die besides the cold tile of my bathroom floor, because know I know that I was truly loved by the one I loved most, and that was the tears rolling down his face that held sorrow, hurt, anger, horror, guilt, and unimaginable amounts of love that I saw within cobalt eyes framed by raven black hair. And I slipped into oblivion with a weak smile on my face for now I had finally found peace and will await the coming of my love once again in heaven or hell.

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Ok, this was my first fan fiction so you have to go review and be nice about it. Im more fragile than you think………..(bursts out laughing) oh my I cannot believe I just said that. No really though I want your honest opinion about my work of art(as I all it) so no holding back alright? GOOD. See ya next time when I write something!!


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